Instead we find Jesus calling his disciples friends: the same people who would betray and deny him. We find him described as embracing friendship with those who were culturally marginalised. It's definitely a challenge to those of us who seek to be followers of Christ.

This is a good post, because I think much of church seems to be returning to forms of patriarchy and unhealthy expressions of faith that are not human centred, and tend to be very hard on people.

Moot and other emerging churches are an oasis

There's something in all of this for me that's about integrity – individual integrity/authenticity and the integrity of the relationships that we're in. Is it friendship if we're only doing it because we should? What would it be like to be on the receiving end of that kind of friendship?

That way the weight of expectation doesn't fall on one person's shoulders, it's the responsibility of the entire group.

My concern was about how community administers those expectations: it can be a source of legalism/demonism if care is not taken to ensure the respect and recognition of the members within it. It's important to ensure that people are not pressured into friending beyond their means, which would burn the community out more than it would build up.

I suppose that the other part of my thoughts revolve around what happens when someone from outside that community enters and places it under threat for whatever reason by exploiting the friendship principle, and how the community responds to that.

One of the things I've been thinking about today is Ian's care to situate this conversation in the context of ecclesial community. It isn't all about how much I, personally, am capable of practicing friendship – or any other "I". Yes, friendship is a practice between individuals but when we situate that in the context of community it isn't all about who and how I can be friends but about the "we". It might not be healthy for me to be friends with a particular person, but it is still healthy that that person be befriended – it is the task of the community or the kin of the kin-dom most broadly, rather than any one individual having to capable of mutual, generative, reconciling friendship with any or every one.

Certainly the possibility of friending someone who has abused you is one of the ones I was thinking.

I was also thinking about how wise it is for someone who is extremely sensitive, to constantly expose their vulnerability to people, when actually all their doing is bruising themselves unnecessarily. There is a sense, I think, that people need to give friendship and be generous out of what they actually are, rather than what they are expected to have. I would argue that (for some ) sensitivity can be a character trait rather than a sin – and that therefore its a matter of degree for everyone.

The other (third) scenario I was thinking was in terms of someone new to a friendship-focused community who might see the potential for exploitation, unbeknown to it's members – I guess that's what I meant by anti-social/sociopathic. I appreciate that that is a risk we have to take on some level, but people aren't always cognizant of such risks, and the potential for abuse is huge.

I suppose I'm thinking with a sociological/therapuetic hat on, rather than a theological one, although I think you're onto something with the idea of a supernatural Holy Wisdom, and a belief that this will help us deal with situations appropriately.

But I'd also argue that our capacity for friendship: with each other and with God is part of the work of the Spirit withing us. In the book of Wisdom in the apocrypha there is the idea that Holy Wisdom enters our souls and makes us friends of God. (A favourite blessing is one by Janet Morley which picks up this image: May Holy Wisdom, the breath of the power of God, she who makes all things free in every age, enter our souls and make us friends of God. Don't have the text with me but that's my memory of how it goes)

Think I need breakfast before any more theologising!

Certainly not fully formed thoughts here.